Sepuluh Tanda Kita Dah Tua
1. Dulu,kalau nak membaca… dari jauh pun boleh baca. Sekarang dekat-dekat tak nampak… kena jauh-jauh sikit.
2. Dulu kalau nak kencing, dari jauh… suuurrrrr!!!!!masuk… ..!!!! Sekarang,kalau nak kencing,kena dekat-dekat,pelan-pelan lepas… baru masuk…
3. Dulu,masa tidur menghadap muka… rapat-rapat,sekarang,berlaga punggung saje… itu pun dah kira rapat sangat dah tu…
4. Dulu,mana-mana pergi mesti bawa minyak wangi ( dalam kereta ke,handbag ke..),sekarang, bawa juga… tapi minyak angin la…
5. Dulu,pakai baju mesti sama… sama color,sama design,sama brand… sedondon… Sekarang,"Asal kau ada baju nak pakai udah le… !"
6. Dulu,kalau nak kemana-mana,sanggup tunggu bini sampai sejam iron tudung… pakai tudung… ..Sekarang, "Alah… you pakai yang "wrinkle free" tu je la… .!" ( dalam hati… macam la ada orang nak tengok dia… hiyyyy!!!Malam tadi tak mau nak gosok… lembab!!)
7. Dulu sanggup jalan berbatu-batu teman bini shopping,sekarang… tunggu dalam kereta jer.Kejap-kejap SMS… "Lama lagi ker?" "Apa aje yang you cari nie… ?"
8. Dulu,hebat… .!!!sebulan sampai 12 kali… ,sekarang,kalau dapat 12 bulan sekali pun kira hebat juge…
9. Dulu, menunggu pun dah keras… sekarang,menunggu nak keras… .
10. Dulu,isteri nak tidur pakai shorts pun tak boleh,suruh buke… jangan pakai apa-apa.Sekarang,isteri nak tidur pakai kemban pun kena suruh buke juga… ."Pakai baju yang senonoh sikit tak boleh ker… ?
Lawak Org Tua
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,
when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
He began to rub all over of my body.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little custard
XXX jokes
Question: Why is sperm donation more expensive rather than blood donation?
Answer: Because it's HANDMADE!!
Man No 1 : "My wife is obsessed with cars. While asleep, she holds my dick & said 'first gear, 2nd gear…."
Man No 2 : "My wife is worse! She puts my dick inside her & said "Full tank please."
Question : What is the closest thing that is similar to a woman's period?
Answer : Your SALARY! It comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days & if it doesn't come, you're in big trouble!
Awoman gave birth to 6 babies. On seeing this she got off the hospitalbed, slapped her husband & shouted, "I told you not to do it doggy style!"
A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in abank.The teller says, "Sorry, madam, this note is a fake.""Oh no!"exclaimed the prostitute, "I have been RAPED!"
"Your secretary publicly said you have a small dick, what would you comment on this?""The truth is = she has a big mouth!"
A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making love.Shesaid, "Aww, so sorry… excuse me pleazo, Front hole is so happy thatmy back hole laugh out loud!"
Love is a complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it.
What'sthe difference between biology and sociology?When the baby looks likehis mom or dad = it's biology. When he looks like the neighbour, = itis sociology.
What do u call the useless piece of flesh attached to the dick ? = The MAN.
Whoever first said "A dog is man's best friend" = he must have never seen a pussy before…….
Why is breast milk good for health?Because it is great for bloodcirculation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers.
Why was the two-piece bikini invented?To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
Amother was scolding the daughter, "I don't like the guy you are goingout with. He is too dumb.""No, Mama," she said, "He is going to be adoctor. See, he has already cured me of that illness that I used tohave every month!"
